my super black god

decolonizing ideas of god, spirituality, and power on a sunday afternoon and only finding internal mirrors and grains of hope (where there should be none?) below are random thoughts on my ever evolving conceptions of “god”, black spirituality etc. none of it is particularly organized. this isnt intended to be definitive in any way or complete. 

a – trusting god looks like trusting myself – my black, queer, young person-hood as not only a reflection of god but an embodiment of god. loving god looks like not only loving me but loving you. thanking god looks like doing my best to be genuine and true to myself and with others, in my faults and brilliance, to grow and move without fear, and to breathe each day as both one and many.
 
b – god is the very black but also spacially undefined, non binary and unlimited force of love and power that has allowed all of us to do the supposedly impossible, to build without tools, to grow despite a lack of soil. to wake another day, to defy white supremacist forces that at times can seem omnipresent, to hold one another, emotionally, physically, virtually, and otherwise. praising god seems to be essentially remembering and living based on what is true. (i dont necessarily feel like getting into the subjectivity/objectivity of truth and how logical processes of rationalizing need to be decolonized, but there are some undeniable universal truths based on our ability to comprehend the facts presented to us)
c – there should be a separate label/definition for love amongst black people – not just as a reaction to how difficult it is to love other black folk without decolonizing and restructuring desirability politic and praxis – but for the simple fact that it is the original love, the first love to exist for our human experience – on a spiritual level it seems to fill a crevice that no other type of care or intention can occupy.
d – god exists for me not as deity or celestial presence in our world but the unseen alignment towards liberation that happens in every sphere of the world where black people reside, where we are oppressed and killed, but resist still.
e- im re-categorizing limitations of “reality” as anti-blackness when ideas of reality are based in white supremacist frameworks of our current society, world, and universe on a literal, scientific, and spiritual level. if youre only reason i, or any other black person, cant do something is based in reasoning derived by how whiteness has made it difficult or nearly impossible, youre only revealing that your understandings of my blackness are equally limited.
f -black bodies of all genders, sexualities, physical limitations, disabilities, forms, sizes, and manifestations, have always been  and always will be godly.
g- white supremacy has been the greatest ecological and spiritual disaster in the history of our living universe. sometimes while riding the metro, i think about the depths of how much white people have fucked up based on illusions and lies (economics, scarcity, supremacy, centralized power embodied by lack of melanin etc etc).
h – i randomly get upset that white people not only enslaved, raped, and colonized entire populations of black and people of color, but they tried to name the damn universe after themselves and their fairy tales, from the stars and planets to the units of measurement for power/energy/force on our physical world. anyone who knows me intimately knows i have a deep grudge against edison, am constantly straight up angry that white people were the first in space, and sometimes (despite my penchant for all things Tesla and SpaceX) i want to lead a “leave mars alone” movement, if only for that fact that in several billion years, there might be living organism to emerge from the basalt and magma, and it/they deserve to come into being without disruption from the malicious and unrelenting ecological forces that whiteness creates.
i – dont trust white people who are shocked/surprised on a genuine level that racists and white power in both social spaces, systems, institutions still exist. it means that not only are they not paying attention and definitely dont know their history, but theyre likely spiritually fucked up in the game and need to align that throat chakra and stop telling lies. understanding god’s blackness means white folk immediately need to get their racist cousins + work against white supremacist systems, institutions, and people – it all starts with being able to see beyond what is convenient and easy for them as white people. to me, this is the only way white people can truly love/honor “god” (or whatever that means in a general non- monotheistic spiritual context)
j – believing in god as praxis = supporting/loving all black lives and actively working towards our surivial. my hue is like the earth, the backdrop to the lightyears of stars, the closest resemblence to the abyss that negates the detection of all energy (black holes for ya non-nerds), the color of any natural object set on fire. this connection should be obvious but whiteness can make it challenging. help others see the god in themselves.